White Man Fever

Tweet In Ghana there is an epidemic. It is startling, unnerving and really, when you look at it, completely disgusting. What is this phenomena you may ask? White Man Fever, aka, young Ghanaian women dating white diplomats and businessmen. Now, let's clarify. I am not against interracial dating. My little sister is married to a white guy and I have dated several white men in my past. I also support the well rounded, educated Ghanaian women who are involved in interracial relationships. But the difference between all of us and the girl who hasn't finished junior high school or senior high school, is that we are all evenly yoked with our mates.

It is very unfortunate that not all Ghanaian women have this same advantage. As I may have pointed out in the past, education is not free in Ghana. So although school technically is free, families must still be able to provide uniforms, books, transportation and food for their school aged children....which can quickly add up. So often times what happens is not everyone in the household goes to school. It is also sad, that the college system here is highly competitive. With only a few universities in the country, only the best students get placements at universities like University of Ghana Legon and Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology. Furthermore, like most things in Africa, college expenses are paid out of pocket; so this means, you either have the money to go to college or you don't.

As a result, it seems many young girls, due to familial circumstances are unable to attend school. So what do they do? They aim high. They date high profile married men, diplomatic staff members and other members of the expatriate community. Now, its not upsetting that they are trying to marry up, because let's face it women love security. However, I do think its unfortunate that many of these women can't intellectually spar with these men, making them vulnerable to emotional and mental abuse. The part that really pisses me off,  most of these women don't even realize it.

I have heard a successful white businessman, call the young African girl he was with stupid, while she affectionately looked on because she didn't get the analogy between wood and her head. I have seen white men, with little experience in the country, make blanket statements about Ghanaians while their dates politely chew their meals not daring to challenge her potential love. Because after all, she needs him.....at least financially.

But at what point does it become too much? And at what cost does it come? When I was in America, any American would have jumped on anyone who said anything negative about America or its people, and as an African-American, I bet not let a white boy talk to me crazy just because I am interested in tasting some white chocolate.

But here it is acceptable, and its scary that marrying up is more important than marrying a man who respects and understands you. It also makes me grateful that I am not only educated enough to know when someone is insulting me, but also know that I don't have to take it. America, may not be the best country in the world, but at least it has taught me that I deserve the best and I don't need a man to get it.


Until Next Time Smooches.

Google Me Baby...

Tweet Google, over the past decade it has become the essential dating tool for most people. With the ease of a few keystrokes, google can tell you all of of the wonderful awards and charity work your potential mate has done, show you their previous work history and addresses and helps you discover that perhaps your seemingly perfect mate has a long wrap sheet and unpaid child support...... but at least he still photographs well in times of duress. Whatever the case maybe, google is there for you.

It is unfortunate though, that google doesn't seem to provide the same dating assistance when living abroad, especially in Africa. You see, Westerners seem to be the only people to name their children with no rhyme or reason. This means that in many Eastern societies you find the same name over and over again. I guess its great for the simplicity of remembering names, but horrible for the desperate woman stalking a potential mate via google.

I mean, really how many people can be named Kofi, Kwame and Justice? And do they really all have to have the same last name?

I just thank God, that I am African-American woman, which gives me the super sleuth gene. You know the one that makes you hunt down second and third cousins, as well as an old elementary school friend of your current lover. After all, I need to be able to make generalizations about you before the first date; I am 32 and ain't nobody got time to find out six months down the line you are crazy.

So wish me luck, Lord knows that I need it.

Until next time smooches.

Buying Borders

Tweet Recently, I had the once and the lifetime experience of crossing four African borders in one day....with no passport or id. Yes, in hindsight, it wasn't the brightest thing I have ever done. After all, although I do plan on having a racy memoir, getting arrested and detained at an African border indefinitely is not something I want to include as a highlight of my life. Especially, since I have already been arrested, twice. And if you ask me that is enough for one lifetime.

Alas, somehow I made it down the sunny, highway lined with beaches, coconut and palm trees into the commercial center of Nigeria, Lagos. Why, you may ask? Because in Africa everything is for sale, including borders. In all honesty,  I was actually amazed at how easy it was to cross over the borders and come back.. without looking like a resident of any country and speaking just enough pidgen English to answer basic questions.

In fact, my country of origin confused many of the immigration officers. "Where are you from Nigeria or Cameroon?", the immigration officer in Benin asked. My answer, " I dey fo Ghana-o." At the Nigerian border, they thought I was Liberian and at the Togo border, well, they were just confused and couldn't quite understand where I was coming from or why. However, since I was going to Ghana and not staying in Togo they let me pass, with one simple question." Do you have a Ghanaian passport?", "Yes," I immediately lied. "Let her go," the man responded. And I crossed the border, as the immigration officer chided me never to travel without my id again. You have to love the patience of the African immigration officer.

The hardest border to cross over was actually Ghana. As we attempted to cross the border from Ghana into Togo at the unauthorized point I was immediately called out. "You, come." the officer said pointing to me and my friend. So I slowly walked over wondering how I could mask my American accent. "Where are you from?" "Ghana" I responded. "No, you aren't," he said. Now, of course, I have to be passionate about my heritage, so I instantly replied in my best Ghanaian accent, "Me, I am Ghanaian. I have just grown up outside."

Now we probably could have easily crossed thereafter, but unfortunately my friend, who speaks several local languages told the gentleman she didn't speak any English. The trouble with the lie...he asked her the question in English, not a local language. So after having our luggage searched and told we wouldn't cross the border a gentleman entered. As he lectured us for five minutes he carefully studied my face. Then he says we should go, when we walked outside I noticed he was preparing to walk with us.

As he led us into the immigration officers' compound, I instantly become paralyzed with fear. After all, where were we going? Realizing an arrest may be near, I start telling the officer he should just lead us to the buses and we will go back to Accra. No, he insists, we will cross. So as I think about who I will call to verify my identity. I suddenly realize he is walking us across the borders...Ghana and Togo. Of course nothing is for free, so I collected his phone number and we have since been on two dates....yes, he still thinks I am Ghanaian. I am waiting to see how it all works out before I break the news to him he has been deceived. Yes, it is ratchet, but I am ok with that.

On the way back into Ghana, I was again stopped at the illegal border thanks to an unscrupulous taxi driver and a rude guide. The trouble this time was not because I was an  American, it was because the illegal border guide didn't speak to the immigration officer. After all, if you have ever visited or lived in Africa, you know the greeting is very important. So after begging his forgiveness, the guide effectively led us back into Ghana and I was safe.

Now would I do it again, definitely not. But was it an interesting experience...most definitely. In fact, I would say it was a rockstar experience.I mean, lets be honest, how many Americans can say they rode a motorcycle to cross over the Nigerian border? Me, that is who.

Until Next Time Smooches.