Friday, July 8, 2011

Dating 101

Now many of you may read this title and say, "What is she talking about, she has a boyfriend?"

This is the point I cue the music

Now, I dont blog about my personal life, so please don't quite give up your daytime soap opera or reality tv addiction, quite yet. However, I have been back dating in Africa for nearly three weeks and I must say, its has been an interesting experience. One that has to be shared with the masses. So, I figured I would share some of the lessons I have learned.

Lesson 1: Everybody Wants Something

When I first came to Africa, I thought I was a catch, and I am. Unfortunately, not for the reasons I predicted. You see, here, I have learned men like me for three specific reasons: 1) They think I can get them into the United States. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, "Oh, I would love to go to America one day!" As if I am fairy dressed up in an welcome to America T-shirt, waving my magical American flag ushering them into the country. 2) They have been watching some sketchy American film and feel I will act out their wildest fantasy. "Have you ever had a threesome?" Hmmm, when did this become an appropriate first date question? I never feel the need to reply, I just sit there in uncomfortable silence, letting them think about how stupid they just sounded. 3) They think I am an heiress. Now it amazes me how people still feel that most Americans are rich; despite our sinking economy. Of course, they never really say this out loud, but they make small talk about how great life is for Americans. That's right, I am an example of the American dream- Unemployed, 7 months strong.

Lesson 2: Everyone Here is Married, Even if They Say They Aren't

Everyday, I get hit on, and everyday, out of the 5 men that hit on me, 4.5 are married. The .5 means his wife is abroad in another country. Now, here in Ghana some men wear wedding bands and some don't, it just depends on if their wife brought them one or not. However, regardless of the ring, they are so comfortable hitting on you and telling you the latest woes of their marriage. Some will even bring the children around to meet you, showcasing them like its Feed the Children Time. If only you knew, I'm not into other people's children.

Lesson 3: If They Spend Money on You, You Are Their Girlfriend

Dating in a developing country is different. Wages are low and cost of living is high, so many men feel that if they take you out then they are your boyfriend. Now, some men will contest this and say they belong to a different class, they have lived abroad and don't have this mentality. I applaud the two of you that there are in Ghana. I have learned it exists across all income brackets. You see here in Ghana, where love in so easily purchased, men believe that once they start taking you out to dinner, its a deal in the bag. Boo, I'll buy my own meal, especially if it means that you are going to call me 25 times in 24 hours. Which brings me to Lesson 4.

Lesson 4: Don't Give Out Your Number Unless You Want to Be Stalked

In Ghana, if you give out your number, you are giving a man permission to call you all the time. Literally, early morning, mid-day, lunch, mid-afternoon, evening calls, mid-evening calls-- I'm sure you get the point. I often wonder if they have an alarm that goes off, alerting them 5 minutes has passed and its time to call again. It's funny though, if you don't pick up they phone they become offended, like they are paying for your minutes. Now, I see why caller id is so important. Thank God, for the simple technology that makes life so much easier.

Until next time- Smooches


  1. i know this to be tru, but dont lose heart i have a friend who did a mission trip to ghana with her church and she met someone and they are married now, he seems very nice, u have to go to church. but its tru about the marriage thing that usually gets left out. and men here act like i buy u i own u so its genetic i think lol YOU HAVE to ask, that was my experience in Nigeria tho-

  2. you might want to check this out i found about business in ghana

  3. I had to back track on this one. Are you sure you are not in the USA. It is easier to see/observe human behavior in a smaller setting. It sounds alot like our men. Of course for the men that frequent the prostitutes, the ones that treat women like a piece of toliet paper in the street are the very same ones who want to have their number one girl next to the saint status, as if a certain group of women are less desirable than another, when we are all human, whether we have lost hope in life or if we hold to the throne of grace and mercy. What really has happened to our communities is the lack of honor for women and the abuse that we have to put up with from our men. USA or Africa. I must read "America has the Blues," but it sounds like the motherland also has the blues. But I will not lose hope!!!

  4. I have to agree with the previous comment...Seems just like to U.S. to me too!..I had a guy text me 3 times a day for the last month..While I do have caller ID and chose to ignore his messages, he wouldn't let up!!!!! lol

  5. forget rule number 5 - they are persistent! Oh boy are they persistent. Great blog, loving every minute of it.

  6. Hi. Read about you in The Annapolis Times and came to check out your blog. It is nice to read about your adventures. Question: What made you go to Ghana? versus another state in the US of A? Just curious. Thanks. Ann

    1. Cost of living is cheaper and I knew my money would go further. You can also start a viable, business here with anywhere between 3,000-5,000 USD something that is hard to do in the States. And most of all, life is sweet because in Africa there is never a rush. :)

  7. As a Ghanaian, i totally agree with most of what you have said but i can tell you this is characteristic of most developing countries and not only Ghana.For me, the highlight of this blog is where you state that, out of 5 men who would approach you, 4.5 are married. Infact, one of the reasons for this is in your blog where you stated that love can easily be purchased here. Go figure!!Here's a social setting where it's believed and to some extent proven that you can have your way with any woman if you are rich. Most married men have this economic power and have gained confidence through several 'conquests'! Hence they have this false believe that they can win any woman. That is why you get approached by these men. Those without the economic power simply lack that self-confidence!

  8. Lol....This is so funny. Thanks for sharing your experience