Monday, April 23, 2012

Love Mantra

Now, I typically don’t make love observations. Love is a sensitive subject and I try to let everyone do what is best for them. But moving to Africa has helped me understand love and my role as a black woman more. Therefore, I feel I would be remiss if I didn’t share it with others struggling to discover what their role in love is.

Africa, is still traditional, in the fact, that it is the husband’s duty to take care of the financial matters of the house, and it is the wife’s duty to take care of domestic duties, which include housework, as well loving and supporting your husband , regardless of the circumstance...and I do mean regardless.

 After all, if you fail to do any of these things you may find yourself without a head of household, and, if you are not working, that is not a place you want to be. And although, most women would scoff at a situation where they were completely dependent on a man, I have figured out  that it is this level of vulnerability that makes love work. 

Having to depend completely on someone else is a vulnerability most women in advanced societies have forgotten about. But if you think about it, it reflects exactly the same basic principle of worshiping any Higher Being; in order to fully experience the love the Higher Being, you must be willing to be vulnerable. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be loved if you never reach this stage of extreme vulnerability, it just means you don’t experience the “ultimate” love. 

Now I know that was a little deep for some of you so I will bring it back in. The point is, is that in order to find true love there has to be a certain amount of vulnerability present. A vulnerability that many Western women have forgotten exists, thanks to our empowerment. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying women shouldn’t be empowered or be financially independent. I am just saying women have to learn to balance, versus trying to tip the scales their way.

This means, you can't decide he isn't a good man because his bank account doesn't match yours or he doesn't have a job that you find is most fitting for your tastes; there are plenty of blue collar jobs that pay better than white collar jobs- especially now.  It means that sometimes its better to be seen than heard, especially if you have nothing nice to say. And yes, you are going to have to pay the bills with no complaints if he is going through tough times. Sometimes you have to suffer (silently) for love.

This doesn't mean you should let someone mistreat you, but it does mean that you should better understand his plight of a man and your role as a woman. It means you should stop letting your misinformed single and divorced girlfriends talk you into acting a damn fool for no apparent reason. And, sometimes, you will have to turn on your Lauryn Hill and listen to the black love mantra,"Tell Him", in order to remind yourself of all of the above things.

Now, inevitably, some of you will say, "I do all of these things and I am still alone, why?" My suggestion to you, invest in some therapy so you can learn to be honest with yourself and figure out why you insist on picking the asshole.

Until Next Time. Smooches.  

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