Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Gossip Guy

Sometimes living in Accra, Ghana, often seems like reliving high school. There are the pretentious kids, who are living off of their parents legacy, the popular ones who seem to be everywhere all the time, the rejects who just keep themselves to avoid all the drama and then, of course, everyone's favorite, the gossips, also known as the mean kids..you know the ones who are secretly insecure and are consistently trying to gauge why they are better than someone else.

The sad thing about this phenomena, is that, in Accra, many of the men seem to fall into gossip group. For those who have known me for years, you know that 80% of my friends have always been males. Mainly because we can fight and be cool the next day and, well, they do make great protectors if my big mouth gets me in trouble.Most importantly though, we don't gossip. We discuss our ambitions, how we can work together, bust a quick freestyle, but we never discuss other people's business. Why, because we don't care about what the next person is doing, unless it has a direct effect on us.

But here in Accra, I, and many other women, have noticed that many of these dudes seem to be bitch made. Since relocating to Accra, I have noticed that a large group of men sit around in circles collecting information, either from women or each other, only so they can try to relay to someone else what they think they know is going on.

I crack up at the slick mouthed dude, who tries to evoke some emotion from me based on some information pilfered from a third party source, especially when I know they don't know what they hell they are talking about. These moments also make me grateful how much I have grown over the past decade plus, because those who know me from the Jackson State years, know that I really don't take kind to undercover comments, and yes, I have been known to embarrass people on a wide scale level. Why you may ask? Because I am never embarrassed about anything I do, nor do I ever feel the need to justify it. I admit, I don't like everyone and I am ok with that. It is a well known fact that I date, but also know that I have a variety of guy friends, which I am not dating. Despite your jaded perception men and women can be just friends. I have been successful at it for more than two decades. And yes, I am in all of the right circles, because I am a master networker; I owe that attribute to Capitol Hill.

All I can do is hope that one day these feminine dudes in Accra  grow out of this bitchassedness and eventually enter into manhood. Where men mind their own business and not the affairs of others. Because after all, we aren't making each other money. So I leave you with this to think about:

Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people. Good luck.

Until Next Time. Smooches.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

White Man Fever

In Ghana there is an epidemic. It is startling, unnerving and really, when you look at it, completely disgusting. What is this phenomena you may ask? White Man Fever, aka, young Ghanaian women dating white diplomats and businessmen. Now, let's clarify. I am not against interracial dating. My little sister is married to a white guy and I have dated several white men in my past. I also support the well rounded, educated Ghanaian women who are involved in interracial relationships. But the difference between all of us and the girl who hasn't finished junior high school or senior high school, is that we are all evenly yoked with our mates.

It is very unfortunate that not all Ghanaian women have this same advantage. As I may have pointed out in the past, education is not free in Ghana. So although school technically is free, families must still be able to provide uniforms, books, transportation and food for their school aged children....which can quickly add up. So often times what happens is not everyone in the household goes to school. It is also sad, that the college system here is highly competitive. With only a few universities in the country, only the best students get placements at universities like University of Ghana Legon and Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology. Furthermore, like most things in Africa, college expenses are paid out of pocket; so this means, you either have the money to go to college or you don't.

As a result, it seems many young girls, due to familial circumstances are unable to attend school. So what do they do? They aim high. They date high profile married men, diplomatic staff members and other members of the expatriate community. Now, its not upsetting that they are trying to marry up, because let's face it women love security. However, I do think its unfortunate that many of these women can't intellectually spar with these men, making them vulnerable to emotional and mental abuse. The part that really pisses me off,  most of these women don't even realize it.

I have heard a successful white businessman, call the young African girl he was with stupid, while she affectionately looked on because she didn't get the analogy between wood and her head. I have seen white men, with little experience in the country, make blanket statements about Ghanaians while their dates politely chew their meals not daring to challenge her potential love. Because after all, she needs him.....at least financially.

But at what point does it become too much? And at what cost does it come? When I was in America, any American would have jumped on anyone who said anything negative about America or its people, and as an African-American, I bet not let a white boy talk to me crazy just because I am interested in tasting some white chocolate.

But here it is acceptable, and its scary that marrying up is more important than marrying a man who respects and understands you. It also makes me grateful that I am not only educated enough to know when someone is insulting me, but also know that I don't have to take it. America, may not be the best country in the world, but at least it has taught me that I deserve the best and I don't need a man to get it.

Until Next Time Smooches.