Thursday, August 29, 2013

Dissing the Douche


Woman dating logic. Yep.... we all know this.. How women react when their boyfriend is criticized. Hey, so T heard about your new boyfriend." Ya, why are you dating such a jerk." Well of course he' s nice to YOUL He just want' s to get in your pants and is a total jerk to everyone else!" You don' t even know him that well, you have only been dating for a few days." Ya! He' s so amazing! we' re so much inNow, it is well known I really don't discuss my private life in Ghana; however after a string of jerks, I find it necessary to replay the drama. Because, hell, I can't believe this sh*t happens either, so perhaps writing it down will make it real. Now I am not going to pull out the full timeline of jerks...just a few highlights. The ones that days, weeks, months and hell even years later I can't quite figured out how I got suckered in.

First, there was the Togolese dude. Oh what a sweet guy he was at first. Always catering to me and taking me out to lunches (please note, lunches and never dinner). We would sit in my room watching movies and talking for hours, building a good solid relationship without the physical attachment. I knew I had hit the jackpot, until I realized I was suddenly short of money (longer story, wait for the memoirs) and my jackpot was in fact a long running debt. I was even more amazed to figure out this man was probably married. Hence, his availability at limited times and his inability to stay the night. I remember once he fell asleep and woke up in a cold sweat at 3am rushing to get home.

Then there was the young prince charming, who pursued me for four months, begging to get a chance to date me. Always taking me on dates and giving me the line about hanging the stars and the moon for me. And though I repeatedly told him we had two different objectives in life, he adamantly denied this. Asserting that he was not a child and he knew what he was doing and what he wanted. So finally one day, due to the alcohol, most likely, I decided to give him a chance. We lasted 60 days before it went up in flames. Why you may ask, he decided that I was more serious with my life. Duh, Einstein I told you that five months ago.


After him, came the farmer... who didn't even last long enough to get his own paragraph.

And now we are getting into the good ones. The young real estate mogul, who conveniently told me after the commencement of our relationship that he had a girlfriend in New York, the man who went from divorced to separated and then finally admitted his wife was just really out of town and now for the cherry on the cake..

The eligible bachelor in his mid 40's. After dating for two months, decides its time to have the talk about our relationship. Totally, yay right?!?! Then the conversation started. The talk consisted of him telling me that he has had a girlfriend for the past two years, but he met me and liked me so decided to give it a try. Then when I acted shocked his response was why would I be so naive to think that he was single. After all, he is extremely eligible. He further commences to tell me I should understand him and we can still date...if I can understand him. You guessed it, this is the moment that crickets start to chirp loudly and the blank stare comes across my face.

This moment  also made me realize two things. 1) Never trust a man and 2) I can no longer drink on dates, its obviously clouding my judgement process. In the meanwhile, keep me lifted up in prayer because its becoming obvious that when it comes to dating I have the decision making skills of a 10 year old girl.

Until Next Time. Smooches.