Monday, December 29, 2014

Back for More

Well, as most of you know I really didn't blog a lot this year. And although, I thought many wouldn't notice. I have gotten an overwhelming number of questions about why I am no longer blogging. Well, the answer is simple. My blog started to be read in Ghana!

Now, for those who know me, I like to be relatively private. Most people only have a small glimpse what is happening in my life. However, I soon realized that I had a Ghana audience, who knew me both in personal life and blog life....and well, it just wasn't my cup of tea.

Especially since most people in Ghana are judgmental and will take one small piece of info and then create their own stories with it. However, in the New Year I thought it was unfair not to let these watchers really watch all that is going on. After all I do have a lot of share. So I have decided not to be bothered and to blog my heart out.

I know you are all super excited, Because yes, I am funny and entertaining.

So just to give you a recap of my year. It was the Age of Jesus for me and I did find my calling. This year I successfully started Environment360, a ngo that works with children to teach them recycling behaviors. For those of us who live in Ghana, we know this is greatly needed. Not only is it needed, but I love it. There is nothing more rewarding than getting a letter from a class of children discussing how they enjoyed their time.

My love life is still bare. I chalk this up to a huge cultural misunderstanding that I am just now starting to grasp. Although I have a full grasp on it, I am still not sure I will be playing the game. I really don't think its fair to lure a person in on one context only then to find out there is more to them..and their bad habits. And yes, I do have plenty of bad habits. I also think it's do to the stalkerish behavior of some men in Ghana. I don't care how much you like me...please dont call me 5 times a day and whats app me pictures every two hours; I'm not that interested in your every movement..we just aren't there yet.

I would be worried, however a random psychic has assured me this is my year for love.....whatever that may mean. She also assured me he would be wealthy. So let us thank God for that. I also didn't have to pay her nor did she ask for a donation, so maybe this one was real.

Overall it has been a quiet year. Plenty of disappointments, but some highlights as well. The most important thing, I survived another year and I know 2015 is the beginning of greater things.

Have a great New Year and will be blogging again soon. So please share!

Until Next Time Smooches.









Thursday, May 15, 2014

5 Life Lessons I Learned Living Outside the U.S.









Well, folks, today the 15th of May, marks exactly three years in Ghana for me. I don't really know where the time has gone and I can't believe that it has passed so quickly. If it wasn't for my lack of knowledge on current pop culture, I would swear I just left yesterday. However, let me clear. Solange's arsenal assault did make it to the other side of the world within six hours. (you know Jay is my future baby daddy, and after this weeks events its obvious he may be in the market for a second wife soon and mama is ready!!)

But seriously, typically every year, at this time I like to do some reflections of my life and what living in Ghana has taught me. Because whether you know it or not, living outside of your home country really can be an eyeopening and jaw dropping experience.

So here are some of the top lessons I learned living outside of the United States in the past three years.

1) There is a Better Way of Life- Americans are often caught up on thinking that we come from the best country in the world, which is just not true. Being an American indeed has a lot of benefits, but no American should ever believe the American way of life is where its at. In fact, according to a 2011 study France and US have the highest depression rates in the world. Only last year, did America move  to the number 2 spot for being the fattest country in the world. And guess what....Americans are below average intelligence.....thank God for Italy and Spain. So what does all of this tell us? Perhaps the American way of life isn't the best. Something in our way of life stops most of us from actualizing our true potential. I can say that living outside of the U.S. I view things completely different. I don't have many of the societal pressures my friends experience, and as a result, I am a better, more fulfilled human being.

2) Don't Focus on Results- Now this actually ties into number one and is probably why so many people are unhappy. In America life is about results; never the process that brings you to the results. Americans are taught to be "goal" oriented, focus on the prize. But the bottom line is, is that the results aren't nearly as important as the process. A person who is able to perfect a process will undoubtedly reach their goals time and time again. However, if you don't know the process you will find that you never get the results you want.  Plus, being process oriented takes off a lot of stress off;  because as well all know you never see the results immediately. And living in Ghana has taught me to never see by sight.





3)You Gotta Have Faith- In this life, I think its important to believe in something. It doesn't make a difference to me what you believe in, but I believe that humans should acknowledge there is a higher force at work in all of our lives. How do I know this you ask? Because I am a living testimony that all things work together for your good. You will find that when you have faith in something larger than yourself you will enjoy each experience in life more, you won't take things so personally and you are confident that the actions you make. Plus, you just can't live in Ghana without faith. This is a place where strange things still happen and life gets tougher by the day. If you don't have faith you will loose hope and undoubtedly go packing. The devil's number one weapon is feat and uncertainty.


4)Partners Are Important- Americans are loners whether we know it or not. Success is a personal thing, not a team effort. However, since moving to Ghana I have learned  that partners are important for both business and love. You see in America we know partnerships are important in business, but most of us don't think of love as a partnership. Since moving to Ghana I have realized that who you choose as a life partner and the qualities that surround them are just as important for who you choose as a business partner. A great business partner will take you to the top; the same is true for finding the perfect life partner...and the ugly truth is, you never marry for love alone. Most of us have been in love more than once, so no one should ever doubt they will fall in love again. Living in Ghana has taught me the practical side of love and has moved me far from the world of fairy tale.  Partners you choose in both business and love should be those that you are fairly certain will help you meet your goals, and not just financial.



5) What Makes Me Happy- The great thing about living in Ghana is that I am no longer part of the rat race. Things undoubtedly move at a slower pace; therefore I have learned what happiness means to me. Taking a cue from Pharrel and the world, I have learned that happy for me is being able to wake up when I want to, go to the beach and play a guitar. I am happy when I am inspiring others and creating and executing events that some might have thought impossible. Oh and happiness is having my two Club beers (at any time I designate) with my two Kingsize cigarettes, if that's what I choose to do. Bottom line, I have never been this happy before in my life, and I hope you join one day too because I am never coming back.


So that's all people. I hope you enjoyed and I hope you share with a friend. Onto year four and may it be the best year of them all.

Until Next Time. Smooches.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Social Selection: Survival of the Fittest

There are two things about me that most people would probably never assume: 1) I am inherently shy and it actually takes effort for me to socialize and 2) Although I appear highly sociable, I really don't mess with most people. I wouldn't call myself a misanthrope, but I would call myself socially selective.

You see, I , unlike most people have never felt the need to be part of the crowd. I don't feel the need to do or say things that are socially acceptable, as most of my friends will attest, and I don't really care to participate in trivial conversation for the sake of diplomacy. In fact, I would bet this is why I never built a successful career in politics. But it is who I am.

Part of this is because I know humans are just unreliable individuals. I can count on my hand the number of times where people have truly provided the assistance they promised, pushed me to get ahead or really opened some major opportunity. Couple that with the belief that no man has a part in my destiny and now you have me, a socially selective individual.


Now being socially selective has its benefits. First, I get to limit the factual information about me distributed to the public, which I adore. Hey, it never hurts to have a few rumors swirling about you. After all, well behaved women rarely make history and, secondly, it guarantees that when I do spend time with people I really enjoy it.

So when a trusted mentor told me that I wasn't socializing enough with key people I told him I wasn't really interested in them. Because let's be honest, most of them I have met have been pompous assholes. I then explained my social selectiveness to him. He simply chuckled and said, " You don't have enough money to be socially selective."

And he is right. I will admit that I probably could have had a lot more opportunities had I been willing to be less socially selective. If I had been more willing to tolerate slick comments (Sidenote: Isn't it ironic that I hate slick mouths when I have one?), or unnecessary arrogance, or just general disinterest in people I probably would be a lot further. But there is no harm in making a mistake. So from this day forward, I pledge to be more interactive with people, with business sense in mind, not a personal one. Because after all you don't need to be friends to do business, you just need to have a mutual respect.

So rest assured that until I make my first few million I will be more proactive in nurturing my relationships, regardless of how much I enjoy them or not. But don't be surprised if some of you are cut off immediately after mama makes it to mogul status. Just joking..... hopefully ;)

Until Next Time. Smooches.


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Flee Ghana

Following your dreams is never an easy feat. Now mind you, its not that everyone is not capable of following their hearts desires, its just that not everyone will have the courage- the gusto to stand out from the crowd and do what no one is doing.

So when I moved to Accra, Ghana, three years ago, I was excited to see the large number of pioneers like myself, who believed not only in the future of Ghana, but the future of Africa as well. It was even more exciting to see the number of Diaspora descendants who were making the concious choice to move back and make the sacrifices needed to move Ghana forward. We came mostly from the UK and the US, but there were others from Holland, Denmark, France and other European countries. We came in droves and we were excited about what the future held.

It's why three years later, I am disappointed by the number of people who have left or who are deciding that the terrain is just too tough for them to cut it. Now, its not like I don't understand. Not only is living in Accra, just as expensive as living in any other busy metropolis in the world, but it is also just as dog eat dog. Living in a place where many are left to their own devices can be overwhelming. In fact, it is overwhelming. Especially when you add cultural difference and language barriers on top of it all.

It also doesn't help that gas has gone up four times in one year, inflation in March was 14.1% and the cedi is free falling against foreign currency like a kamikaze. Who wouldn't want to flee for the promise of a secure pay check in dollars and pounds?

Me and a handful of others, who have refused to be moved regardless of the circumstances. Perhaps some of us thought life in Ghana would be easy and low cost. Perhaps we forgot that we can't afford to eat at the best restaurants every night and that having the newest car isn't as important as making sure you have working capital for your business; especially in a place where access to capital is almost non-existent..Maybe the sacrifice and the craziness of Ghana is just too much for some. After all, living in a place where lights and water are irregular will be enough to drive any Westerner insane. But it is said entrepreneurship is about living a few years like most people won't to spend the majority of years living like most people can't. And I for one am still up to the challenge.

So as the exodus prepares to depart Ghana, I wish everyone good luck on their new journey. I hope that everyone makes it back, not only for visits, but to stay. And may we all live our own destiny and dreams according to the visions in our hearts.

Until Next Time. Smooches.
























Monday, April 14, 2014

Lazy Black Woman

For those who are fans of Maya Angelou, you will remember the book, "I Know Why the Cagebird Sings." If you have never read this book, well, I just need you to get your life together and add this classic to your summer reading list. But for those of us with refined literary taste, let us reminisce on Angelou's time in Ghana, where she discussed feeling as an outsider.

Now people often ask me, how is it living in Ghana as a non-Ghanaian and I tell them I don't see a difference. Why you may ask? Because, I have one competitive edge over Maya Angelou and other "African-Americans" who move to Ghana, my father is African. As a result, I was already well acclimated to certain areas of the culture. In fact, I swear my Sierra Leonean blood is one of the main reasons that I have yet to get malaria. Therefore, I often forget that many people, who do not know me, may assume I am just simply an African-American.

That is until, I get the friendly reminder that some perceive my place of origination as my place of origin. But what is even more interesting is the perspectives that Ghanaians have about African-Americans. And the other day I learned another interesting perspective, "African-American women are lazy."

That is right, "lazy". Now I feel the need to put this in air quotes because I know how the mouths of African-American women across the globe just fell open. It is true, African-American women are known as many things, including: "sassy", "aggressive", "dominating", "know-it-alls". But lazy?!?!?! I don't think you could find one person who knows an African-American woman to agree. But of course, I had to explore this train of thought to see exactly what was meant. After all, Ghanaians do speak the "Queens" English, which can sometimes differ from "Yankee" or American English, so I didn't want to jump to conclusions.

Upon elaboration, it came out that "many" Ghanaian men don't like to marry African-American women because the men think the woman will not work hard and then be quick to divorce to take 1/2 of their money. So to make it short, it appears there may be some Ghanaian men out there who believe African-American women are marrying with the intention of gaining access to your assets. Isn't that an interesting theory...very interesting in fact. I think its time to write a letter to the television stations and ask them to quickly ban, "Real Housewives of Atlanta," " Basketball Wives" and "Celebrity Starter Wives"; it is killing the reputation of black women in Ghana obviously.

And although, I wanted to quickly dismiss this thought I will say this. It may appear that African-American women are quicker to divorce. Ghanaian women do seem to have an uncanny patience with their men that just isn't found in the Western world. However, let us never confuse patience with laziness. African-American women do work hard, even if they don't work hard on their relationships. But I am not sure if I even believe that. What do you think, do African-American women throw in the towel too early on their relationships?

Until Next Time. Smoohes.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Lap of Luxury

You are sitting and watching television and unexpectedly everything goes dark. For a moment, you wonder did you forget to add more money to your pre-pay  electric meter, but then the familiar sounds of "Oh!" fill the air. This is the universal verbal cue for lights off in Ghana. Because undoubtedly the interruption of power has interrupted whatever business or pleasure you were doing and well you have to verbally display your dismay at the same time as your neighbors; I'm sure its some unwritten cultural rule.

So the sound of silence feels the air, and then the waiting begins. Maybe its just two hours today, or perhaps 6, if the power gods have frowned on you prepare for 12-18 hours of darkness, and well those are the most dreaded times. Lying in a dark room, no air moving, musquitoes chewing your body, as you wonder which will kill you first malaria or heatstroke.

How I remember the times and problems of the common Accra man. Le sigh and then I moved up. You see the Jeffersons moved to the upper East Side, the Evans in the end moved out the projects, and I my friends have moved to Roman Ridge. A part of town where the power is always on and the tap is always flowing. It is the promised land in the city of Accra and I have been lucky enough to make it in.......for a quite a reasonable rate might I add.

When I first came to look at the place and they told me the power never goes out and water always runs, I knew it was a hoax. After all, living here for three years has taught me that nothing always works in Ghana. So yes, I was extremely skeptical, but for the price they were calling I decided to give it a try. Plus, it really really is a cute apartments and finding a decent apartment in Accra is probably like finding a decent apartment in New York...almost impossible. So I grit my teeth paid my year's rent and moved in. And much to my surprise...they were right, everything works.

Over the past two months my water has only not ran for 6 days, which is like 10% of the time. A statistical miracle I'm sure for most countries in Africa. And the lights never go out. And when they do. I simply just sit and within 30 minutes they are back, and 30 minutes is actually considered a long time.

Ahhh, the lap of luxury. And yes, I enjoy every moment of it. Now I will admit sometimes when my friends are forced outside of their homes because of lack of power and they invite me out, I do feel bad declining their invites. But moments like this also give me a better understanding of Marie Antoinette. I simply pick up my remote, flip through the channels, plug in my cell phone and turn up the fan and say, "Let them eat cake." I'm in Roman Ridge B******CHES!

Until Next Time Smooches.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Battle of the Cue

When I was a kid lining up for anything was one of my favorite things. A large part of this is due to the fact that my last name begins with A, so as a result, if not first, I was always third or fourth in line. This meant that I was always the first to go and who doesn't like being first. Unless it was one of those unfortunate days where we lined up backwards and those of us with As went to the back. And then, well, I would just be pissed.

So as I grew and lines grew more complicated, I still didn't mind. Especially since I have a knack for choosing the fastest moving line. Then I moved to Ghana. <insert long sigh>. You see the line in Ghana or cue as it is called, does not work the same as it does in the Western world. Hell, I wonder if it even follows the same concept because many days I often find myself lost on how the cue is actually working.

You see in the Western world when you go to the bank and have to stand in line there is one long cue. Everyone comes in and stands in their respective spot. As tellers become available the next person in line moves out and one moves up. Simple. Right?

But in Ghana the bank cue, or any cue for any other service is never that outright. Standing in line in Ghana is like that bad dream you have about missing the bus to school. You come in and realize their is a still calm in the bank,  you would join the line, but everyone sitting down, so you are not quite where to go. Then a security guard motions for you to take a seat in the flock, so you do. You sit there patiently waiting, watching the line move and finally the person in front of you moves to the teller. Now you know you are next, a bank teller becomes available, you stand up from your seated position only to realize someone from the right of you has been called. No big deal you think to yourself, then another is called from the right. After an additional three people go before you, you start to question the security guy, aka line warden, who then tells you these people had started transactions and are now finishing them.

Yeah, I know you are looking puzzled because I used to look that same way. So let me clear it up for you, when people approach a teller and present a check they don't stand their and wait until the teller gives them the money. Instead they present the check and then make their way back to their seats until their money is ready. Weird you may think. I call it insane.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why you cannot stand at the teller window until your transaction is complete. Instead you sit back down only to stand back up two minutes later to collect your money. The bank is not the only offender though. Imagine going to KFC, you see tons of people, but no real line. Instead everyone seems to be leaning on the crowded front counter. Why you ask? Some are waiting for their food and others are just not sure how to stand in line and order; therefore they just look for an open register and approach when they notice the cashier free, even if you have been standing in front of that same register patiently waiting. Obviously when fast food hit Ghana, the memo on line etiquette in fast food restaurants didn't. I can't tell you the amount of times I have wanted to ask someone to remove their derriere from the counter so that I can comfortably order without someone staring into my wallet. What happened to ordering and moving to the side or sitting at the counter with stools until you are called?

And God forbid you don't want to conduct your business while someone is standing at the counter with you. Because then you become the onery one. I once got the look of death at the Registrar General's office for telling a woman I would wait until she moved away from the counter to conduct my business. I just thank God that sweet baby Jesus whispers in my ear or else I might have said, "Bitch, I need five feet of personal space to conduct my business." But instead I just gave her the death stare right back until she moved.

So what is the lesson of this story you may ask? When in Ghana remember cues follow Darwin's theory of evolution: "Only the strongest survive."

Until next time. Smooches.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Things Men Do In Africa

As I am sure you can imagine there are a variety of cultural differences between living in the US and living in Africa. Fortunately, my African roots have prepared me for many, but some of been really unexpected. So today I will tackle the cultural differences in African men. Why you ask? Because well somethings you have to see to believe. 


1) Drinking hard cider, Bailey's or any other sweet liquor- In the US, it is never acceptable for a man to drink hard cider or any other fruity pansy drink. In fact, it is a strict man law violation. Can you imagine the man of your dreams sipping a pink martini with a strawberry on the rim? But in Africa, it is the norm. See the proud look on the face of the men sipping their Bailey's Irish cream and Malibu coconut rum. If you didn't know any better you would think it was comparable to the best whiskey or champagne. The more amazing thing is, is that they get drunk! I am still trying to figure this one out, considering I often think of these drinks as fruit cocktails. The only time their look of pride dissipates is when I explain to them I don't do sweet liquor. After all, I like my liquor like my men: straight, hard and dark. But it does make it easy to pick up Christmas and birthday gifts.

                                                   

2) Wear Animal Print Clothing. Most men can only pull off wearing animal print clothing if they are pimps or Katt Williams.  However, the African man has the undeniable right to wear animal prints in many forms: jackets, pants, shirts, hats...hell even belts. And don't be surprised when all of his friends are going wild over his latest cheetah-zebra mix shirt in a positive way. Although, a man wearing animal print in the US may elicit plenty of jokes and cruelty from his friends, rest assured here it is pure admiration amongst his friend....after all he is sooooo GQ.....*insert side-eye*



3) Hold Hands. Many of you I am sure envision Africa as a completely homophobic place. After all, many countries have a ban on homosexual activity. However, you might be surprised to know that it is completely normal for two men to hold hands. That's right, if you see two men walking and holding hands it is by no means considered a sign of homosexuality. Rather it is just a symbol of a happy friendship. Doesn't it just make you feel all warm inside to know that its ok for men to express their bond through such a simple gesture? However number 4 definitely make you rethink what is classified as "gay" behavior.  If you got the pun extra points for...if not, well boo.



4) Dance With Each Other. Just in case you didn't know many African children attend same sex boarding schools. As a result there is this "boys boys"  and "girls girls" culture, meaning that you can just go out and have fun with your same sex friends. I think that is acceptable since girls and guys' night exist throughout the world. The thing that still amazes me is the men dancing together. Now, yes some of it is an acceptable two step in a circle of guys. However, there is always one or two that have the full back it up motion....hump in the back and all. Which is why any gay man who lives in Accra should never be shy about trying to approach a new backside...your grind may be warmly welcomed..until they find out you want more. But who knows..maybe some of them want more too.

5)Wear Tight Pants. When I was in school, they were referred to as "nut huggers". Nut huggers are the pants that are so tight that any man walking in them instantly walks like a rusty tin man. Although it looks extremely uncomfortable, tight pants are still the fashion trend for men across the continent. Now let me be clear, there is a difference between a well tailored pant and a tight pant. A well tailored pant fits your belly, a tight pant pushes your belly to its maximum bulging point. A well tailored pant when we stand up falls down naturally to the ankle, a tight pant you have to do the leg shake to get it to come down two inches, then you pull it down the other two inches to hit your ankle. So yes, tight pants are an epidemic and I am sure it will eventually have an effect on the birth rate of children across the continent. After all, it can't be healthy to have your nuts in a chokehold all day.....right?



6) Sag Their Pants With No Underwear. Now, I am not going to lie...this is actually one of my favorite cultural differences. You see many of you just get to see well ripped men, sagging their pants with no draws on in pictures...I get to see it in real life daily. In fact, if I was Catholic I probably would live in the confession booth because well, honey, let me tell you, there aint nothing like seeing a young little chocolate drop with strong shoulders and tight abs sagging his pants wit no underwear on. The only thing I really wish is that they had taken a bath and put cologne on. Nothing like the smell of funk to wake a sister up from a good fantasy.

7. Saying I Love You in Within 24 hours: Now we know that Africans are global people and can be found in all parts of the world. So I am sure that any woman who has had an African admirer, has within 24 hours heard the phrase I love you. And while most women dream of hearing this words from prince charming, it can evoke feelings of fear and make a woman question your mental faculties. Yet still, it seems the African man is not worried about the rejection or the restraining order that may result in this phrase prematurely being said. Instead, they are more than willing to tell you that after a few hours of knowing you, you are, in fact, the one. *sigh*  Then you remember, you once saw a similar story on Lifetime and break the hell out.



8. Provide Wholly For Their Women. So all jokes aside I can say that most African men take great joy in providing their women. Whether poor or rich, most will make extreme sacrifices for their women and their children and fully understand what their role in the family is. That is not to say that you don't have exceptions to the rules, but overall they are providers, and any woman who ropes herself a respectable African man will indeed be a happy woman.

Until Next Time. Smooches. 


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

10 Things Ghanaians Say When You Are Over 30 and Unmarried





Well, since this is becoming a new trend. I decided I too should jump on it, but with a twist. Welcome to my world of being a spinster in Africa, yes it can be very annoying some days, but also entertaining. Hope you enjoy.


10. Have You Born Yet- Yes, I am sure this is a funny phrase to most Americans, but whenever I am asked this question an intense look of worry crosses the face of the interrogator. Truth of the matter is that I have learned most Ghanaians are more worried about if I have had children than if I am married. I guess it is there way of ensuring that I am in fact "serious" in some way or perhaps they are just making sure that I am not a lesbian corrupting their holistic society.Either way the answer to question is, yes, I have no children. And an additional vote of  thanks goes to you for pointing out the fact that I only have so many years left to give birth. Because well, I totally forgot women don't have babies all their lives! Silly me!




9.  You Are Too Pretty Not To Be Married- Thanks for assuring me that its not my looks holding me back. It's obvious there is some other personality flaw that I should address....NOT. But really, I don't think looks is a qualifier for marriage. If anything its harder for me; after all, I am pretty. Besides I can see only one great thing that marriage may contribute to my life..after all its tough to look good all the time.

8. You Should Pray About It- Now I will admit, I do get on my knees..even for a more spiritual purpose from time to time. I can assure you that God and I have an understanding about my future boo. In the meanwhile though I don't think that Ruth found Boaz while she was deep in prayer. She found him while she was working in the field. So please excuse me, I do have work to do. And yes, socializing is considered work





7.  Do You Cook?- The answer is no..and I will agree they may be on to something here. Yes, I know that I should cook more often. And once I get married to a husband who makes if financially possible for me to pursue all of my domestic interests I promise to be the next Betty Crocker. In fact, I will out do Betty Crocker and I will be the ultimate kick ass domestic goddess. In the meanwhile please don't forget, I have work to do. But please don't let my lack of time to prepare food make you think that I can't cook...because sometimes..only sometimes I can. In fact my cooking skills are sort of like a line from Big Pimpin. I have no passion and I hate waiting (yes, I know its patience, but be a doll and.go with the flow).


Funny Confession Ecard: I have a passion for not cooking.


6. You Have to Try- Here comes the looong sigh. Me personally I don't know anyone who is over 30 who is not actively trying to date a decent person. Not one. Sometimes I wonder what trying really means. Is it double talk for let someone treat you like crap and overlook so you can marry. If so, I can confidently say that I am not interested. Oh, but I am trying and having some fun along the way. I am, after all, really, really pretty.


5. You Don't Need A Husband to Have A Baby- Now this one relates to number 1. I am always shocked and amazed at the people who feel I should just have a baby without being in a serious committed relationship. Not to say that the advice given has helped me form a solid back-up plan, but who knew such strong Christians would be more concerned with rushing me to the delivery room than down the aisle. Please I have heard your cries people and I will multiply. I am , in fact, aware of my superior genes and the great  contribution they could make to this earth. Remain calm, I have a plan.

                                          


4.  You Should Be Harder- The truth is I am already hard. I already don't distribute my number on first encounters, turn down dates, don't return calls and hell, sometimes I even pull the ultimate bitch move and stand people up. If I get any harder I will spend my days and weekends in my room praying about it. Now I will admit when I like a guy I do like a guy, but let's be honest I really only like 3% of the men that I meet..and that is a generous figure. Plus I feel this is in direct contradiction to the advice that I should try. I guess when your single over 30 every move is a wrong move. 



                                                    Girls, playing hard to get since, forever. 


 3. What Are You Waiting For? This is a great question and I always want to reward the person who asked it with the village idiot cap. Fool, how about I am waiting for the right man. I didn't know I could get married or have children without a man. But if you know a way please enlighten me. Until then I will just x the days down on my calendar, watch my friends uber cute wedding and baby pics, while eating snickers. Wait, I can't eat snickers I can't get fat until I am married. *le sigh* Plus considering my history of failed relationships I think its better I take my time or else....

                                 



2.  I have a Nephew/Son/Random Neighbor You Should Meet- Now being over 30 single with no children this is the last thing you want to hear. I think once you are past a certain age you aren't willing to waste your time on some whimsical date set up by someone who barely knows you. Besides, I probably dont even want to be in the hooker upper's family. I am very particular about genes. And did I mention I will not be applying for the gentleman to travel abroad ever?!?! I would rather be alone than grant U.S. citizenship and receive cards like these...unless maybe there was a lot of money in the cards. Hey, its Ghana, everything is for sale.

                           

1. Do You Like Men- Now this is an odd question because inevitably most people who ask this question have seen me with a guy or heard me talk about a guy. Because well let's be honest you have to be pretty comfortable to ask that question in Ghana. But perhaps they have been carried away with news about Wanda Sykes and watching old reruns of Grey's Anatomy, you know the episodes with the lesbian doctor..whatever her name was, and have come to the conclusion its the new trend of American women. Whatever the case may be I guess the only reason such a pretty, eligible woman would not be married is if she is gay. Funny though, in Ghana I know more gay people inside of marriages than out. Wait..oops did I say that? Whatever it may be, rest assured I do hope to get married and and have children. Despite the doubt in my capability.



So if you laughed at least once hit the share button and spread the love. After all, I know I am not the only African spinster you know.

Until Next Time. Smooches.

Monday, January 20, 2014

The Age of Jesus



Well, another year has passed, and I am another year older as well. It's a very sobering experience when your birthday falls right at the New Year I think. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone who has a birthday between the 1st-6th of January has an annual mid life crisis that consists of taking stock on everything from the bank account to the love life. And, of course, I am no exception to rule. As a Capricorn, we are very serious individuals who strive to be successful in all aspects of life. So after sitting down and doing my self evaluation this year I realized one thing....I need to get my life together.

The great news is, is that this year I turned the same age Jesus was he was found his calling. I would just directly tell you my age, but well, we all know that a woman never really discloses her age. Especially when she looks like she is 26. Ok, you are right, I do look 24. Thank God for being a late bloomer.

But back to the point, my Jesus Age. I am pretty sure turning this magical age means that this is the year that I will find the one thing I am passionate about- outside of heavy drinking and socializing.  Now, I am sure many of you are thinking what does she mean, she already knows what she is good at. If she didn't she wouldn't move across the world. Then I would quickly tell you you are absolutely wrong, like most things and moves in my life I came here on a whim. Because although  it does appear I have my life together, the dirty truth is I am a floater. It is only my good intuition and strong faith that seem to help me paint the picture of stability. I mean let's be honest, since I was 18 each year I make a move, be it a new apartment or new job. In fact, I have never lived any place longer than 4 years since I was 16 years old.  So yes, all of these moves never really left me with the time to really find out what I like to do. But at least I know what I don't want to do and people say that is always the starting point.

Let's be clear though, I am not ashamed of my floater side. It has allowed me to thoroughly  enjoy my life and, after all, plenty of really successful people don't even hit it big until after they are 30. Just in case you doubt me check here. So now there is the obvious question, what will I do? I can confidently say that after weeks of thinking about it... I have no clue. None whatsoever. I am still hoping for that one prolific dream or the big giant sign that just says "Do this stupid." Either one would be greatly appreciated. I would just sit around and daydream small, but unfortunately, my bank account has assured me that it won't be sticking around for that process.

So now is the rock in the hard place, which is really a cave. But the great thing about a cave is that it is technically a tunnel and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that when I hit that light there are also clearly written instructions near by..or Jesus just pointing me in the right direction.

Until Next Time. Smooches.