Monday, April 14, 2014

Lazy Black Woman

For those who are fans of Maya Angelou, you will remember the book, "I Know Why the Cagebird Sings." If you have never read this book, well, I just need you to get your life together and add this classic to your summer reading list. But for those of us with refined literary taste, let us reminisce on Angelou's time in Ghana, where she discussed feeling as an outsider.

Now people often ask me, how is it living in Ghana as a non-Ghanaian and I tell them I don't see a difference. Why you may ask? Because, I have one competitive edge over Maya Angelou and other "African-Americans" who move to Ghana, my father is African. As a result, I was already well acclimated to certain areas of the culture. In fact, I swear my Sierra Leonean blood is one of the main reasons that I have yet to get malaria. Therefore, I often forget that many people, who do not know me, may assume I am just simply an African-American.

That is until, I get the friendly reminder that some perceive my place of origination as my place of origin. But what is even more interesting is the perspectives that Ghanaians have about African-Americans. And the other day I learned another interesting perspective, "African-American women are lazy."

That is right, "lazy". Now I feel the need to put this in air quotes because I know how the mouths of African-American women across the globe just fell open. It is true, African-American women are known as many things, including: "sassy", "aggressive", "dominating", "know-it-alls". But lazy?!?!?! I don't think you could find one person who knows an African-American woman to agree. But of course, I had to explore this train of thought to see exactly what was meant. After all, Ghanaians do speak the "Queens" English, which can sometimes differ from "Yankee" or American English, so I didn't want to jump to conclusions.

Upon elaboration, it came out that "many" Ghanaian men don't like to marry African-American women because the men think the woman will not work hard and then be quick to divorce to take 1/2 of their money. So to make it short, it appears there may be some Ghanaian men out there who believe African-American women are marrying with the intention of gaining access to your assets. Isn't that an interesting theory...very interesting in fact. I think its time to write a letter to the television stations and ask them to quickly ban, "Real Housewives of Atlanta," " Basketball Wives" and "Celebrity Starter Wives"; it is killing the reputation of black women in Ghana obviously.

And although, I wanted to quickly dismiss this thought I will say this. It may appear that African-American women are quicker to divorce. Ghanaian women do seem to have an uncanny patience with their men that just isn't found in the Western world. However, let us never confuse patience with laziness. African-American women do work hard, even if they don't work hard on their relationships. But I am not sure if I even believe that. What do you think, do African-American women throw in the towel too early on their relationships?

Until Next Time. Smoohes.

8 comments:

  1. I know I'm several months late on this but unfortunately I say yes. African American women do throw in the towel early..."too early"? That's a matter of perspective. However, based on lots of other cultures? Yeah, we will not be nurturing or teaching a man to be a man, we won't tolerate foolishness and there has got to be a certain balance for us. Otherwise, you are summarily dismissed. Basically, we are far from lazy...we work and tend to be very independent...we can and do take care of ourselves. Hence, a man can be seen as more of an adornment than a necessity.

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    1. Debby, after reading the article and your comments, I felt the need to respond - based on first hand knowledge. I am an African American (or Black American as Ghanaian refers) married to a Ghanaian. As for as throw in the towel too early? Let's look at the full view. When you marry any man, regardless of their cultural background, you marry out of love and uniting as one. The marriage is based on being honest and faithful. Unfaithfulness is will not be tolerated. It's just that simple. We work hard and long. We were raised to be strong black women. We can work a full time job, got to school full time and not neglect the family, while paying the bills and running the household. We have been taught to do it all. So when you are out there doing it for your family, and you have a cheating spouse, of course, and be verbally disrespected, we will throw in the towel. But some changes is happening that you are not writing about. There are many Ghanaian men looking for American women for wives, because of the fact, "we work" outside of the home to assist to support the family. We don't just stay home and watch television, get our nails & hair done and shop. We contribute to the household expense, this is just plain common sense. There are Ghanaian men that is paying to be connected to American women, sounds crazy, but it is happening. And I am not speaking from what I have heard, but from what I have witness. Black American women, plans for successful financial future. We don't need a man to take care of us, we accept a companion to share our love and life with. To build together. Now honesty, there are women that is out there that does will marry for money & want half if it don't work. But that is any culture, any nationality. Just want your view to be fair. I have never seen more hypocrites then I have since I have been in the Ghanaian communities. Women who praise God, shout and dance all in the love of God, but will have sex for a mere dollar. I have been to Ghana several times, seen the resources available. These actions is not because they are poor and struggling for the family. But it is who they are. The women I have seen doing this, has husbands that works to support them and the children. But they are out wanting men for attention or to feel love. Therefore, on behalf of Black American/African American women... we are not lazy, just strong black women that demands respect and loyalty.

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  2. Debby, after reading the article and your comments, I felt the need to respond - based on first hand knowledge. I am an African American (or Black American as Ghanaian refers) married to a Ghanaian. As for as throw in the towel too early? Let's look at the full view. When you marry any man, regardless of their cultural background, you marry out of love and uniting as one. The marriage is based on being honest and faithful. Unfaithfulness is will not be tolerated. It's just that simple. We work hard and long. We were raised to be strong black women. We can work a full time job, got to school full time and not neglect the family, while paying the bills and running the household. We have been taught to do it all. So when you are out there doing it for your family, and you have a cheating spouse, of course, and be verbally disrespected, we will throw in the towel. But some changes is happening that you are not writing about. There are many Ghanaian men looking for American women for wives, because of the fact, "we work" outside of the home to assist to support the family. We don't just stay home and watch television, get our nails & hair done and shop. We contribute to the household expense, this is just plain common sense. There are Ghanaian men that is paying to be connected to American women, sounds crazy, but it is happening. And I am not speaking from what I have heard, but from what I have witness. Black American women, plans for successful financial future. We don't need a man to take care of us, we accept a companion to share our love and life with. To build together. Now honesty, there are women that is out there that does will marry for money & want half if it don't work. But that is any culture, any nationality. Just want your view to be fair. I have never seen more hypocrites then I have since I have been in the Ghanaian communities. Women who praise God, shout and dance all in the love of God, but will have sex for a mere dollar. I have been to Ghana several times, seen the resources available. These actions is not because they are poor and struggling for the family. But it is who they are. The women I have seen doing this, has husbands that works to support them and the children. But they are out wanting men for attention or to feel love. Therefore, on behalf of Black American/African American women... we are not lazy, just strong black women that demands respect and loyalty.

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  4. I guess it has to do with different cultures, I was raised in a household of beautiful grandparents who were together until passing, several months apart to be exact. Our family tradition and upbring is, when a man and a woman become One in marriage, they work together to build in every area of their life's in Love. It's not a man job or woman job in certain areas, its an together Job. My Ghanaian friends tend to think totally different in these same area's of true love. African American women are beautiful within because our mothers taught us, We are Queens! The neck to our men head. (sweetly) knowing how to make the neck move in love for our family, our wealth, Love and our submissiveness to our beautiful black men as he does his part in joy. Ghanaian men I've witness are sometimes one sided, the man side. You can't bless one person and curse the other under the same roof. The Man is the ones who speak blessing in his own home, rather he believe it or not. Who taught them this curse?...... How will your Wealth grow?...(meaning everything surrounding you.) Wife, children, land etc. If you don't see your wife as our Queen, not a object.

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  5. I think you got it all mixed up. American woman are not lazy at all. But you would think I was very rude if I quoted how a lot of the men in these foreign countries beg is AA women to marry them so they can become citizens.

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  6. I am engaged to a man from Ghana, we met at church. He knows that I am not lazy, I might need to slow down some because I'm always doing something. So called African American women always get a bad wrap! However women all over the world want to be like us, from how we cook, to having our shape, I believe it's all in the person. I praise God for my husband to be!

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  7. I am engaged to a man from Ghana, we met at church. He knows that I am not lazy, I might need to slow down some because I'm always doing something. So called African American women always get a bad wrap! However women all over the world want to be like us, from how we cook, to having our shape, I believe it's all in the person. I praise God for my husband to be!

    ReplyDelete